Donald Trump has confirmed his previous boast that he is, in fact, a “Stable Genius.” In a comprehensive test at the Relatively Stable horse farm and ranch, exhaustive tests were completed leaving no doubt. The former President was able to identify the following items: Hay, Bucket, Rope and Barn. 

Trump was only bested by one other living being in the entire stable, a two year old mare named “Blondie” who was able to identify the same items as well as being able to count to ten by stamping her hoof simultaneously with her trainer counting. 

Donald Trump, being unable to complete the hoof counting, complained that the contest was rigged and that Blondie had an unfair advantage having “three hooves, maybe more” and that “no one has ever seen a horse like this before.” 

Other contestants in the “Stable Genius” competition included Sparky, a twelve year old blind Corgi, Foible the barn cat, Knickers, a miniature pony who was deprived of oxygen during birth and Seamus McGee who was unable to complete the entire test after downing 4 bottles of Guiness with a Jameson back. Mr. McGee was disqualified after being asked to identify Donal Trump and responding “Jesus Christ! What’s he doing here?”. That answer was ruled incorrect and Mr. McGee went on the finish ahead of only Sparky the Corgi. 

The former President thanked all of his supporters and the owners of the Relatively Stable. He asserted that he was off to conquer the next pressing problem on his agenda, the record numbers of whales that had been driven insane by windmills. Mr. Trump told the assembled reporter and fan, that he “identified with whales of all types of fish” and would ensure that they would “not be victims of World War Two.”