Anyone who is an adult has probably been through a breakup. Generally, the longer that you’ve been together, the harder the breakup impacts you. Lots of circumstances come into play during a breakup…who is doing the breaking up versus who is being broken up with. While the person doing the breaking up may go through some pain leading up to the breakup, most of the time once it’s done they are relieved. Sure, there’s still some messy details to clean up, like getting each others stuff out of your place and back to them. Awkward, Then, if you had a lot of mutual friends, there’s the who takes sides with who. It can put people in a tough position.

If you are the one who is being broken up with, it’s much more difficult. Especially if you didn’t see it coming. I was recently broken up with, and there were several aggravating factors about the breakup. 

1. I never saw it coming…sure, in retrospect I can say that I sensed some distance happening, but nothing much. I was very surprised. In 5 years years we had never really even argued. Little things like she questioned my use of ginger root in my making of ginger tea. She asked if it was organic ginger root..I replied that it was whatever Publix sold in the area where they kept the ginger root. I never noticed if there was an option and wouldn’t think it mattered in a root. I washed the ginger root, cut it up, boiled it and soaked it. boom! Ginger Tea. She didn’t like my answer and this was coming from a woman that injects BoTox into her face. Oh well.

2. Timing. I guess that it doesn’t make that much difference, but a breakup just before the Holiday Season is particularly difficult. Everyone else is happy and you’re heartbroken. Fortunately, I’m mature enough to not have answered the Merry Christmas greeting with a Fuck You. I needed all the friends I could get. My family and close friends were very supportive, for which I was grateful, but still, you’re alone.
3. Answering friends’ questions, “what happened? I thought you guys were great together”. You have to try to be kind and not berate your ex…particularly in the early days when you still have hope of reconciling. Even later, when hope is gone, I still want to be kind and tamp down my bitterness.

4. Staying busy. It seems to be the thing to do, stay busy, take your mind off of it, but somehow, it seems to make the loneliness worse. Being with friends, in a different context, particularly if it amongst couples. Also, social events invite the questions of  “where’s Jeanne? We broke up” then you have to face the what happened question or the “I’m sorry”. 

5. What to do next? You have to move on and decide when and where you might consider finding someone….knowing how difficult it can be and knowing that there’ll be questions. You have to rule out anyone who knew you both, unless you’re prepared for the deep dive of “what happened?” Also, if it’s during the holidays…. forget it. Social events? Bars? Mutual Friends? Dating Sites? they all have their disadvantages.
6. Then, there’s the question that you have to ask yourself “what’s wrong with me? why am I undesirable?” In that, I was lucky. Jeanne was kind enough to provide a list of my flaws for, I guess, my enlightenment and to be able to make myself a better person. I will list them below. So, if anyone who knows me is considering me as someone worthy of dating, please pay attention and don’t say you weren’t warned,
   1. I sometimes wear cargo pants. It’s true, I do have some cargo pants in my wardrobe. Both long cargo pants and short cargo pants, I never realized that it was a character flaw. I no longer have an excuse, I have been warned.
   2. I wear my T-Shirts wrong. That’s not a typo…I wear my T-Shirts wrong. Not inside out, not put on backwards….just wrong. I still don’t know what that even means, but if you see a guy wearing his T-Shirt wrong, that’s probably me. Keep you distance.
   3. I walk too slow. I usually walk an average of 5 miles a day, sometimes much more, and I always make it home before dark. I’m not sure how to quantify “too slow” but it’s pretty high up on my list of shortcomings. Don’t say that you weren’t warned.
   4. We used to spend about 4 days a week together, either at my place or hers. Days when we weren’t together, I would usually call about 8 PM or so, to ask her how her day was and to tell her I loved her. BORING!!!! Who wants to hear their partner tell them that they are loved? Not Jeanne, THAT’S WHO! WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?
   5. Here’s a big one…I have a dog, she swore that she loved the dog, even referred to him as “Our Dog” but she told me that I talked about the dog too much. This may be a problem for me in the future, because i haven’t been able to find much guidance on the “sweet spot” in how much someone should talk or not talk about pets. 
   6. I suggested that, at some point in the future, we consider living together. Not selling her home or my home or anything so final, but just living together and let the future of where and how, kind of sort itself out. I had always understood that it was MEN that had a fear of commitment, preferring to dodge the question entirely as long as their needs, as it were, were being met. Apparently not, as the hour plus commute between our homes provided some sort of safety, I guess. Shame on me! 
   7. I don’t like LOUD MUSIC VENUES!!!! If my ears start to bleed at a concert, it might be too loud. I can hear music perfectly fine at SUB THOUSAND DECIBEL LEVELS!!!! WHAT?? I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE AMPLIFIERS!!!
   8. I never Drink and Drive. If we’re going out and you want me to have a drink or two, we need to have someone else behind the wheel. I know that I’d probably be fine having a glass of of wine or two and then driving home…but it isn’t what I do. Sorry!!!

That pretty much sums up my flaws as I understand them. I rarely raise my voice, I would never hit, or physically harm anyone, particularly a woman. I’m financially responsible, I’m shower regularly, have all my teeth and keep them clean and maintained. I fix things around the house, I hold hands, I go shopping with you, I don’t watch football all day long on weekends or holidays. I keep my house clean.