Flying these days, is rarely fun, as my recent trip to Houston proved. Jayne and I are chronic “on time” people and we both would rather be at the airport early, than stress over missing our flight in the event of long TSA lines.

We arrived at the airport about 3:00 PM after dropping off my truck at the parking and struggling through TSA. I never fail to thank (curse) Richard Reid, the famous “Shoe Bomber” for enhanced TSA inspections. After getting partially undressed  in the long and winding line, only to have nowhere to sit to put your shoes back on. 

Still, we were excited to be going to Chapell Hills, Texas, for my brother’s 80th birthday celebration. We found decent seats in the gate outside of our United Airlines flight which promised to be leaving at 5:20 PM. We people watched, which is an interesting sport these days as passengers seem to be coming up with new and creative ways to raise the definition of “inappropriate” to new highs. The time passed quickly enough and, eventually, our boarding group was called. I’ve never understood why planes don’t load from back to front, but that’s a complaint for another time. 

We found our seats near that back of the plane, having struggled past a hundred or so other travelers stashing their carry-on luggage. No sooner had our butts hit our seats when there was an announcement that all passengers had to leave the plane and take their luggage with them. Reversing our course we filed out along with the other passengers, having been told that there was “something wrong with the plane”. Back in the waiting area once again, we pondered our fate. It became apparent that we would be arriving at Bush Airport in Houston too late to pick up our rental car. over the next few hours, we tried to contact Dollar Rent a Car to assure them that we wanted to keep our reservation, only to discover that it was impossible to contact them except through a “Customer Service” menu that tested your dexterity at selecting the next option on your phone while testing your patience. I was failing both tests. 

We had been, amazingly, successful in notifying our hotel that we were still arriving after midnight and wanted to hold our reservation. After landing about 11:30 we found our way out of the huge Houston airport, arriving finally at the ground transportation area. I went to the first Taxi in line, as is customary, and greeted the driver. He responded gruffly with “where you go?” I responded that we were going to La Quinta on JFK Boulevard, he stood up from his seat and gestured to his right, practically yelling “you take bus!”, I liked over in that general direction and saw a small shuttle bus. Jayne and I walked over and asked the driver if he was going to La Quinta, he responded “which one?” when I told him, he said that they weren’t going to that La Quinta, but to one on the other side of town. 

Dismayed, we started back towards the Taxi area when we were intercepted by a woman wearing a vest with “Ground Transportation” written on it. she asked if we needed help and I explained that the Taxi sent us to the bus, but the bus wasn’t going to our destination. “Which Taxi?” she asked. I pointed as we walked back to the head of the line. She exchanged words with the driver and turned to me and said “he says you don’t know where you’re going”, I assured that I did and told her “La Quinta on JFK Boulevard”…”you have to know the number on JFK Boulevard” as if the were multiple La Quintas there. I pulled the address up on my Maps program ( thanks Siri ) and showed it to her and then to the Taxi Driver. He grunted “You get in” as he popped the trunk open, allowing me to load our luggage. 

Once ensconced in his cab, Siri voiced “proceed to the route” The driver yelled back at me “YOU TURN OFF, I know where go!!!”. I suspected that this unpleasant man was going to pad his fare with a few extra miles, so I just turned the sound down and kept the navigation going. Sure enough, Loathello ( as I had mentally named him ) drove past our hotel. I pointed it out to him, prompting another yell, “I KNOW WHERE GO!! TURN NOW!!” we made a u-turn and a minute or two later we pull into the La Quinta. “CASH OR CREDIT?” screamed Loathello. I looked at the fare and saw it was like $15 something. I had no intention of leaving this turd a tip and I responded that I’d pay credit. I had already slid my card in the slot prompting another semi verbal barrage “TIP FIRST, YOU TAKE OUT CARD, TIP FIRST’ I pulled the card out slid my finger over to the TIP box on the screen, earning another yell “PUT CARD, PUT CARD”. 

At this point I just wanted it to be over, so I pulled out my wallet a put a $20 on his console, conceding an unearned tip, and exited the vehicle as Jayne slid out the other side. The trunk popped and I retrieved our luggage, shouldering by bag and sliding Jayne’s wheeled bag towards her. Jayne turned and looked at Loathello and calmly said “You’re very aggressive”. You might have thought that she insulted his mother or called him the N – word. He exploded, pointing his finger at her as he advanced on her shouting “YOU, YOU”. I automatically reacted stepping in between Jayne and Loathello as he looked at me and yelled “NO YOU!” turning back towards Jayne, pointing and yelling “YOU, YOU!” I put myself immediately in front of him with my face inches from his, not moving or speaking…a few heartbeats later, he backed away, jumped in his car and peeled away, trunk still open, slamming down as he accelerated. 

We checked in, got to our room and attempted to get to sleep. After all if was probably 1:30 AM by our clock and we had started the day early. Adrenaline is not great for falling asleep so the next hour or so was restless. The next morning coffee made everything right and we got an Uber to the car rental place, not wanting to trust our luck with a regular Taxi. The check in was ordinary except for the fact that they wanted to give me an electric car, which would have been okay except that we were driving about 100 miles each way and I didn’t want my first e-vehicle to end discharged on the side of a rural Texas road. 

As for Loathello, I predict a short career in taxi-ing and think that he should consider pumping out septic tanks.